Fear and anxiety are two things I have to surrender to God often. My eyes burn hot with tears just writing that last sentence.
In 2010 my father and I went to Uganda for court hearings to adopt our son Ezra and I got sick 20 times in the airport and on the plane from nerves/anxiety. I'd go to Uganda 4 times after that and each trip I got sick less and less.
One of the things I love about God is how He helps us to overcome our fears.
The enemy would love to take reign in my mind but I've realized that even silently spoken words have great influence.
Since the beginning of this missionary journey one of my dear friends, knowing my struggle, has been mailing me scripture regularly. So when I start thinking about taking 4 kids on a plane and how it's going to feel missing my daddy, I meditate on Truth.
For Christmas Nathan made the most incredible gift for me to take to Uganda when we move there in August.
An album filled with notes of encouragement from my family and friends. I wept nearly all Christmas morning.
Along with a note, he had each person give me a piece of fabric. Each one perfectly "them." My dad's is camouflage. My in-laws fabric is from curtains that hung in their dining room. I can't wait to make a quilt with them so when in Uganda, I will have each person wrapped around me!
In our kitchen hangs this "N and "J." I love them so much, they remind me of home. Months ago I told Nathan that I would love to take them with us to Uganda and hang in our kitchen there.
To remind me we are not in this journey alone, Nathan made this "&" sign with white t-shirts from family and friends to go in-between our "N" and "J." He wrote a note to go with it that said:
It's a blessing from God that we don't have to do bare the weight of everything relying on "N" and "J." When we feel that we are all alone we will need something to remind us of the community which helped make 818 Oxford Drive feel like home. We are thankful to have a crowd of loving friends and family who have given the shirt off their backs for us.
What a gift! I am incredibly blessed to have a husband who wants to shelter and protect my spirit.
Oh, how I long to be the woman Proverbs 31:25 speaks of.
"She laughs without fear of the future."
May it be so, Lord.